Monthly Archive for October, 2008

So that video basically sums up how my birthday went. Haha! I had the best weekend of my life and I honestly couldn’t have imagined it being as incredibly fun as it was. I went to a casino for the first time ever! They have this pseudo-bingo place so that people 18 years and up can play slots! It’s just one giant slot machine casino. I lost all my money. (And I wasn’t gonna leave until I had.) Took me awhile, plus I got ten free dollars cause it was my birthday. But all the old, grumpy gamblers didn’t like my attitude much. We scared away lots of people. But yeah, Travis ended up coming up to Madison with me on Saturday! Jacuzzi fun! I have so much I could write about, I don’t know where to start…

I got a beautiful piece of art in the mail by Brian M Viveros! I have no place to hang it, but I’m really enjoying collecting art. My apartment is beginning to look like a proper gallery! How amazing. My mom got me my favorite chocolates from my favorite candy store in the nation (and an ice cream cake, she’s fattening me up!) My dad made me this really sweet compilation CD where he recorded his voice and reasons for choosing the songs he did. It was truly a really unexpected gift from him. Gah I can’t even explain it. Travis bought me some flowers and learned it was Sweetest Day. Hehe I had no idea that Saturday was Sweetest Day. WTF, is Sweetest Day anyway? I’ve never really paid any attention… Valentine’s Day Part Deux!! Dunno what my brother got me, I probably won’t  be seeing him  until Thanksgiving anyways, which makes me a little sad. That’s quite some time away.

On a totally unrelated note, I’ve been trying to get health inscurance right? So I go into this local insurance place and fill out the application and blah blah. And then at about noon today I get this phone call from a number I don’t recognize. But it was local so I’m like, “Well, maybe it’s Travis, I’ll pick it up.” But it was the guy who owns the inscurance company. He called to tell me that he grew up on the same street I live on. And he was telling me about this park he would play at when he was a kid that’s around the corner. And that’s the ONLY reason he called. This totally random person I’ve never had a conversation with before. I was like, hahahah, what the fuck!? It was kind of funny but also, like… strange! Gah, anyways, I’m gonna download the small number of pictures I took to my computer and maybe post them up in a bit. Otherwise I just wanted to update everyone and let them know that 19 is my new lucky number! Oh and I felt like a princess the entire weekend (hence crown picture seen above)! PS- I love you all for wishing me a happy birthday. I got all the good karma you sent me and did indeed have the time of my life. Thank you so much!!!

I’m up a little late so I figured I’d take the quiet time to post a real blog, unlike my weird last one! Let’s see if I can sum up the past few days in a couple sentences. My blood tests all came back normal. This means that it’s not my body making me lose the weight. On that note, I hit a very scary 99lbs on the scale yesterday. So now I have to speak with my pyschiatric doctor and make some adjustments on my meds. And THAT means I’ll probably be moody, physically ill and cranky for awhile. But hopefully I’ll gain some weight back. What else? Today I went to my relatives house and played cards for FIVE HOURS straight. Sheapshead. I could whip your ass to Sarah Palin’s house in Alaska with my ridiculous skills. By the end of the 5 hours I was up one chip. Woot!

I’m kinda pissed that my blood tests were all normal. I wanted something to be easy for once. An easy fix. A pill for my thyroid. And no such luck. *sigh* But I feel okay. I think things will work out, with a little effort. My landlords turned on the heat here. And then the weather became beautiful and I melted to death. Yeah, that’s my luck. I do love my apartment, but there are just a few nasty things about it that I wish I could change. I really wonder what I should do when my lease runs out…

OH, my birthday is this Friday! I’m excited. I’m going to Madison. Just to get away and relax. It will be amazing, I’m going to make sure of that! Nineteen is going to be so fabulous. I have no idea what’s in store. I hope it’s filled with wild ups and downs and incredibly different experiences. I plan to make more people smile. And to be more in touch with myself. If I could have one wish for the year when I blow out the candles it would be to somehow know that I permanantely changed someone’s life for the better, just by existing and being there. I’d like for my existance to mean something. Something important too. But now that I told you it won’t come true. Darn! Haha, just kidding, I’m not superstitious about that kind of stuff anymore.

Okay well, I hope everyone is proud of me. I got my blood drawn today. It has been an incredibly difficult and mentally draining few weeks for me. To be honest, I’m not 100% sure yet what I’m doing for my birthday but I’m going to make a promise to myself to make this next year a better one. I have totally down and out. Ignoring phone calls. Texting my mummy at 3AM. Watching free movies (28 Days Later, 28 Weeks Later, Se7en, etc…) one after another. And I have just been feeling really really anti-social. I guess I’m confused by people now. I don’t know what to think about relationships, strangers, etc. It’s all very strange to me. And I’m really sorry that I’ve been being selfish and hiding out in my bedroom from the world. It just felt really dark and unappealing for awhile. But I have a story for you! Well, it’s simple really… I’ve never been unconscious before (other than sleeping, and I argue that this is just another form of consciousness). But this was out hard, cold. I fainted! I got my blood drawn with my mother at my side. I cried and cried and couldn’t stop. And then it was over. But I knew something wasn’t right. I got up and grabbed some water. Managed to drink a few sips then sit down. BAM! Next thing I know there is this incredible alarm going off and I’m looking up at these doctors. My eyes had rolled back into my head. My legs twitched. And then everything began to vibrate. They checked my blood pressure, yada yada. But the vibrating feeling was intense and very scary. I had no control over any fine movements. So when I tried to drink some more water I spilled it all over my damn shirt. They gave me that sticker you can see in the picture for being such a trooper. But it was the scariest and most terrifying experience of my life. Which, I suppose isn’t that bad. Humans have endured much worse. But for me, it was enough and I’m exhausted. If they don’t find anything in the 67 gallons of blood they took from me I am going to be pretty upset!

Anyways, I’m going to be back on track now. I don’t have  a car so my members can rest assured that I have been eaten up to pieces by the guilt of not updating. You will see me soon, I swear! I hope you can understand what a strangely difficult time I am in. But I a sturdy set of supports set up and I can always count on a lot of people to be there when I need them. I just need to steady my head, get some normal sleep, walk my dog, and then reveal to you the birthday present I bought myself (another day)! Yay, secrets! Hehe just kidding. I’ll have to show you soon. It’s geek-a-lish-ious!! Again, sorry for being absent and irresponsible. I have a lifelong promise with myself to keep my own benifit and well being in mind at all times. Maybe they took out all the gunk that was clogging up my head. Now I can start thinking straight, and getting back out there. Yeah. I’m optimistic. See you soon! Thank you for all the comments too. I read each one of them and they are such perfect daily reminders to check in with myself and see how I’m doing and get input from others. Ehh, I’m babbling on a bit, but you are all so lovely! Don’t sell yourself short and share it with the world.