Monthly Archive for April, 2008

Oh my god! I opened my myspace to see that I had two and half pages of unread messages and four pages of new friend requests. Holy crap, what the heck happened to my page overnight?!? This is insane. And I’m fairly certain that with the airing of the episode of MTV things will only get more intense. I’ll probably get haters, and a lot of new attention. Weeee at least I can read how much people think I’m fake or whatever they think about people on tv. It’ll be fun to write really long detailed responses about how much I don’t care. Oh wait… Hah. I’m only gonna pay attention to those with a positive attitude. “Send me pix of ur boobs!!!!!” will not score points with me. Yuck.

I’m incredibly motivated at the moment. I’m writing for either my first book or my first short novella. Or something of that nature. I feel so incredibly empowered it’s insane. The last woman who was here to film my life was incredible! She suggested a few books and I’m already 70% done with the first. By Eve Ensler. An amazing woman the producer knew personally. Anyways, everything she said to me made so much sense and she was really unlike anybody I’d ever met before. Anyways, it made me want to do something with my life. Something big. Something artsy and provacative and daring. So that’s what I’ve been doing. Reading amazing books, writing little sketches of thought, cleaning up my apartment and non stop day dreaming. Haha. I will totally keep everyone updated with the progress of my writing. I don’t know if I just want to publish several articles in a new zine or put a whole manuscript together in some sort of loose format. Because I’m no good at writing paragraph after paragraph. Oyyyyyyyy! I don’t know. I’m pumped full gear. I’ll be doing a photo set update for the members as soon as I can too.

PS- I cannot login to my CCBill administrators account so for those asking for adjustments to be made I’m kindly asking you to hold until they get back to me. Not sure what’s going on there.

PPS or is it PSS- The filming is done for the “True Life” show and should be airing pretty soon. I’m terrified to hear my own voice and see my face on a big ol TV screen. I heard I get a copy of it though. That’s pretty cool. But fuck… life will probably change after it airs. Not dramatically, but a bit. Much more email to respond to I predict. But that’s okay. In fact, I invite it. Yay for new friends!!! Yayyyy for no more invasions of my life and home. Yay for being my self and talking about my weaknesses to everyone. Yay for becoming a better person because of it.

Naughty Monkey has the sexiest shoes ever. So playful! Plus, I love those Nikes in the pic. Mmmm… and the black boots. They are the sex. No really, I want to have sex wearing them. Haha! Unfortunatly, I got my first ticket from the cops two days ago. I was speeding and being naughty. Man, I felt so dumb. Shoulda been paying more attention. Don’t speed people! They’ll give you $200 tickets and make your insurance rates skyrocket. Yippie! Also, I’m moving. Turns out this whole building is half gutted already. Most of the ‘windows’ are just covered in plywood and empty. The building is a disaster area that looks disgusting. It’s terrible. But my wing has to be out at the latest August 1st. But by then, they will have already begun construction in this wing. Meaning, lots of fucking noise and disaster and smell. This completely sucks. I’ve been browsing again for a new place. But I’m stressing because all the two bedrooms in the area are much more expensive than this one. I got a deal! (Wonder why? Could it be, oh say… they’d be destroying the building in a couple months. Bastards!) But man I love having an extra room. I suppose it’s not necessary. It’s just great to have an office/studio/art space.

Anyways, I’ve been majorly bumming. And stressing obviously, since I’m great at that. In addition to all that bull, MTV is coming back for… round three! *ding ding ding* This is getting really, exhausting. I’ve got no story left to tell man! I just want to be able to get my hair cut and chill without having to plan a bunch of stuff. Gahhh! I’m just in a really crappy place right now. And I’ve got new-shoe lust! Haha. That’s how I deal with stress. Updating mah look. Cept I can’t spoil myself cause now I need to save any spare pennies I got for my ticket and for this next move. So shitty! (Excuse the swearing. I’m mad. Grrr!)

This has given me a headache.

*ahem* I have a quick public service announcement. Please read here. DAMN STRAIGHT.

I recently came clean to my mom about what I do on the web and was at first surprised with her understanding. Now, she’s changed her mind and decided that what I’m doing with my website is completely unhealthy and dangerous. It’s upsetting not to have the understanding from your own flesh and blood, but I get it. There’s just a bunch of negative rumors and stereotypes floating around that most people accept as truth. My mother didn’t grow up with the internet and it strikes a very terrifying chord with her. Understandable. I just wish that after explaining how what I do is not exploitative, slutty, or negative that she’d really hear me. It’s tough. But there’s not much I can do about it. Anyways, read that amazing manifesto and spread the word. It’s perfectly written. I’ve always been a huge supporter of positive porn and self-exploration through my website. I’ve learned so much from my members site in such a short amount of time and I love being able to be-friend those who read my blog.

Also, this article on Burlesque is a very good read. For this whole television dealie my friend David decided to call me a ‘stripper’. And that word rang very badly with me. I became physically and emotionally upset and uncomfortable. But I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to the situation. Stripper has a very bad connotation I think, and I don’t consider myself one at all. I never take off more than I want to. I like to use creativity and imagination. I don’t need to get completely nude to feel that I have fully interested those viewing. And I think to tease is much more sexy than just taking everything off. But then again, I’m definitely no burlesque dancer (or any kind of dancer at all). I just think the definition behind the world more closely relates to my views on what I do. So please, don’t call me a stripper, I love what I do because it’s a creative outlet for me. Not some lewd money making way to scheme men out of their money.

Anyways, I’ve been battling to balance work and family right now, but I’ve also managed to completely neglect my friends. Man, this is difficult. I’m a terrible representation of a Libra. Sorry friends! You’re on my to-do list! (Haha, just kidding, I love you all!) Also, I need someone to buy me all of Eon McKai’s movies. I love the guys and gals he uses for them, they’re both equally sexy. James Deen is the most gorgeous man on the planet of porn. *gush* Anyways, all I’ve got is ‘Girls Lie’ and ‘Neu Wave Hookers’. Both were amazing but I’m hungry for more of his porn. I’ve searched for ‘Art School Sluts’ in the local porn shop to no avail. He just came out with a new film, ‘Doll Underground’ and it looks to have an interesting aesthetic. Weeeee, I want! There’s my completely selfish request of the day. Arty porn rules! Especially when it has good music and tattooed boys.